Dear Fan Fiction Authors
by Sen the Wanderer
Summary: STARISH write letters to their fans and set the record straight.
1. Jinguuji Ren

Dear Fan Fiction Authors,

I'm writing this letter to express the wide range of emotions I experienced while reading your 'stories.' There are some misconceptions about my personality and character that must be addressed also. (And no, Masato didn't write this letter for me. Contrary to popular belief, I _enjoy _reading and writing.)

First, I'd like to take this opportunity to ask fans to stop portraying me as some sick, abusive rapist. I don't take pleasure in the pain or misfortune of others, especially my friends and fellow band mates. Since STARISH won the UtaPri award, I've been quite helpful. It's not in my nature to turn someone down when they're looking for some advice or just need someone to listen to them vent. My friends did it for me, so I have no problem returning the favor.

I _love _my fans, more specifically, those of the fairer sex. And while I do like teasing and flirting, it doesn't make me a whore who will sleep with anyone who asks. I'm also capable of committing myself to long-lasting relationships. Being a healthy, young guy, I crave sex just as much as the next person my age. Does that make me a sex maniac? No, I don't think so.

Just because I'm good-looking and blond doesn't mean I'm stupid either.

Onto the main issue and my biggest pet peeve of all: The impossible rivalry turned romance that people seem to believe I share with childhood friend and roommate, Masato. Yes, he is my friend, and yes, we grew up together. We compete for just about everything, and we like it that way. What aggravates me is when fans mistake our rivalry for…sexual tension.

Is it because I'm a pretty boy? Or because I actually take care with my appearance? Or maybe you're all just jumping on the bandwagon and writing me this way because everyone else is? Whatever the reason, allow me to clear the air: I prefer intimate company of the _female_ persuasion.

Let's sum up the things we've learned. I'm not a verbally, mentally, or physically abusive sadist. Nor am I a sparkling, blond wolf who will sleep with anyone who asks. The closest Masato and I have ever come to kissing is spitting at each other when we were kids. And I'm a metro sexual, not a homosexual. There _is_ a difference between the two.

Concerning everyone who portrays me as the complicated person that I really am, I would like to thank you. I look forward to reading more from you! Please continue supporting STARISH with your wonderful work.

Sincerely Yours,

Jinguuji Ren

P.S. The rest of you will be hearing from my attorney.


	2. Kurusu Syo

Dear Authors,

I don't like sitting down and writing letters, but Ren inspired me to speak out against all the crap supposed 'fans' are slinging at us. My letter won't be as long as his either. Like I said, I'm not much of a writer.

Let's get one thing straight: I am _not _some freaking shota. Get the image out of your heads now. The word 'shota' in my language means a 'young or prepubescent boy.' I am young, but I'm pretty sure I hit puberty five or six years ago. (And we're not getting into that.)

So, don't write me as some drooling, idiotic uke begging to be taken by anyone that walks by! I have feelings too, you know! And they're nothing like that! I'm a professional musician, not some effeminate, whiny, gay virgin from a trashy manga. Got it?

And while we're on the subject, I'm perfectly capable of acting as an adult. That means I can be just as romantic, intelligent, and sensible as the next guy. Yeah, I'm kind of shy and hot-headed. So what? I guess you don't have any flaws, right?

Gasp! You mean you're _human_? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Masochism isn't something I'm into. At all. In fact, I try to avoid anything with the word 'pain' attached to it as much as possible. The same goes for torture, rough sex, rape, and any other fearful plot devices you idiots put me through.

Enough is enough. Either write me the way I'm _supposed _to be written or don't write about me at all. Don't use lame excuses, either. "Sorry but this is OOC AU WXYZ…" NO. Stop embarrassing yourselves. Seriously.

Wow, this was longer than I thought it would be. In closing, I'd like to thank all of my _real _fans for the love and support! Keep on rocking!

Happily Yours,

Kurusu Syo

P.S. If you can't abide by the rules and continue with this harassment, I'll sick Satsuki on your sorry ass.


	3. Ittoki Otoya

Dear Fans and Authors,

Before I say anything, I want everyone to know how much they mean to us as a band. We really love you guys, but when you go off the deep end and write stuff like this it just – I don't know. I mean, some of you are super talented! That's awesome! But then the stuff you write…It creeps me out. Is that the right word? Freaks me out? Yeah, that's it.

Unlike Ren and Syo, I'm a pretty laid back guy. It takes a lot to scare me, and it takes even more to get on my nerves. No offense, but your stories kinda did both. I'm not trying to attack anyone with this letter; I'm just here to get the facts straight.

Despite what everyone seems to believe, there isn't anything going on between me and Tokiya. He's like the big brother I never had, to be sure. And he's also a great friend and mentor. But I don't have any romantic interest in him. This might come as a shock to some, but I like girls. Didn't you guys watch the anime or play the games?

Oh, and I may be passive, but that doesn't mean I won't stand up for my friends _or _myself when the need arises. Being athletic and all, I'm capable of defending myself. Er, meaning I'm not some eighty pound weakling or pacifistic uke who doesn't mind being raped for the sake of 'being loved.'

Yeah. That struck a sour chord with me…

The bottom line is that plenty of people love me for who I am and I don't need to settle for just anything. I have a level head on my shoulders. Tokiya and I share an awesome bromance; that's all it is.

Sincerely,

Ittoki Otoya

P.S. My name is 'Otoya,' so it'd be nice if people referred to me that way instead of using my surname all the time.


	4. Hijirikawa Masato

To Whom It May Concern,

I am taking this opportunity to express my outrage over the disgusting material found on this website featuring my friends and I. Although I feel that words alone are not enough to describe the depth of my loathing for your work, I have consented to describe these feelings to the best of my ability at the behest of my obnoxious roommate.

By no means am I a perfect human being. I struggle to keep my emotions in check, but I fare better than my evil clone featured in your 'stories.' If Ren or any other idiot tried to kiss me or make a move on me without first obtaining my permission I would beat him to a bloody, unrecognizable pulp. You would have to scrape said person off the floor with a spatula.

I'm not constantly calling Ren childish names, either. I refer to him as Ren when it's just the two of us and Jinguuji when we're in public. Being the heir to a multimillion dollar corporation, I have to keep up appearances. Bastard, flirt, and wolf are not in my vocabulary when addressing my rival.

It would also be considerate of people to stop calling my sexuality into question. The last time I checked, I was madly in love with a tiny redhead by the name of Nanami Haruka. She happens to be a woman. Does that satisfy you ingrates?

I would also be most grateful if you stopped pairing me with Tokiya, Otoya, your imaginary friends, and any other unlucky sap you happen to ogle.

This letter should be brief because if I went into intimate detail about why you churn my stomach then we'd be here all month, and I do have prior engagements. To quote my friend Syo: Don't mess with the crew and we won't sue.

Most Detestably Not Yours,

Hijirikawa Masato

P.S. Get a life.


	5. Shinomiya Natsuki & Satsuki

Dearest Fans and Furry Friends,

It makes me sad to see all the hate going around this place…Can't we all just get along and write characters in character? That way, everyone wins! My friends will stop writing you harassing letters and you'll stop receiving death threats from our seniors!

Shut up, Four Eyes, and move over.

Satsuki here. Disregard everything my other idiot half just said. I hope STARISH and Quartet Night spam you with these things until you get this through your _thick, empty _skulls: Write us in CHARACTER. It's not hard, really. I'll bet even Syo and Otoya combined have a higher IQ than most of you.

I'm cranky, antisocial, and violent. But there is one thing I'm not: Some lust-driven nut job. That's Ren's department, and he's good at keeping up with the status quo. So if you don't stop having evilclone!Syo taking off stupid's glasses and letting me out just to bang some freaking _guy_, then I'll have to _break you_.

The only person I'm remotely interested in is a sexy yet simple girl named Nanami Haruka. She's a total airhead, way too naïve for her own good, and defenseless. That's exactly why I love her. The more vulnerable she is, the more protection she'll need. And I'm the _only _man who fits that job description.

Ooh, who wrote my letter for me? I can't remember anything after running into the wall…Can someone thank Masato for returning my glasses?

Ta-Ta For Now,

Shinomiya Natsuki & The Other Guy

P.S. I'm _always _watching, so you'd better not try to pull any more crap unless you want to wind up in the Sunday obituaries.

P.S.S. I don't know why this creepy writing keeps showing up out of nowhere! Sorry, guys! You know how much I love you! Just write everyone in character and we'll all be happy!


	6. Ichinose Tokiya

Dear Slanderers,

As the oldest member of STARISH it is my responsibility to look out for the interests of those younger than I. Experience, talent, and headway…I do possess them all. My fellow band mates often come to me for advice and with any complaints they may have about our growing fan base. Because of the numerous complaints regarding this site are so horrific, I decided to investigate this for myself.

What I found wasn't pretty.

At the very least, I am ashamed and appalled that you call yourselves fans of STARISH. Perverting our public images for your own personal gain and popularity isn't something a 'fan' would normally do. You're more like parasites leeching off our fame, as Masato so eloquently put it the other day. My friends have already detailed your crimes against them, so it's my turn.

I consider myself a rational and emotionally reserved man. So when you write me as some blushing, hot-headed kuudere type then you're _way_ off base. It takes a lot to fluster me, but I do get frustrated when my professionalism clashes with my personal life.

Here is the rundown: I have no wish nor will I ever develop any desire to be involved in a romantic relationship with any of my band mates, that obnoxious Mary Sue you created after drinking an entire two liter of Mountain Dew, or the next random guy to walk onto your laptop screen. Do you have to pair _everyone_ when you're writing one of these monstrosities? Being single has its advantages too, I'll have you know.

You'll all be receiving notifications of a pending class action lawsuit following this letter. True, we won't get much compensation from most of you because you're either too young to be on this site or still living in your parents' basement, but it's the principle of the matter that counts. Speaking of parents, they should monitor your online activity accordingly. Eleven and twelve-year-old children have no business reading and writing the things you do.

Sincerely,

Ichinose Tokiya

P.S. It'd be super if 'fans' would stop using cutesy name meshes for these nonexistent pairings. Tokittoki isn't much of a literary feat; it's an absolute embarrassment.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **The idea came to me while I was reading some stories on here one night, thinking, "What would STARISH say if they saw any of this tasteless crud?" Mind you, not all of the stories on here are a total loss. But the few that are give fan fiction a bad name. Now that this series is done, I'll be doing letters from Quartet Night next. Stay tuned! :D


End file.
